Walk Away (On hold until after my exams)
by destiel-purgaytory
Summary: "Maybe I was wrong. To give it up because I didn't listen to my heart. Or maybe I never had a choice in the first place. People are always deciding things for me. But I made the wrong choice this time. It's him. It was always him." The epilogue of Mockingjay never having happened, three years after Mockingjay
1. Chapter 1

I sit in the kitchen, rain hammering down outside, streaking the windows with murkey tears. The tea in my hands is cold now, leaving a sticky stain on the wooden table. I brush my hair back from my face, tucking most of it behind my freezing ears. Shuddering, I breathe shakily out through my mouth, leaving a cloud of breath dissipating in the icy air. I'd purposefully left the heating off, it felt fitting for how I feel right now.

Peeta took off away yesterday after another huge fight between us, and I don't think I've spoken a word since then.

All my limbs have fallen asleep, so I finally get up and drag myself up to my room. Peeta long since moved into a seperate room. My sneakers and some clothes lay crumpled in the bottom of my closet so I just shake them out and put them on as they are, ignoring the less-than-pleasant smell of unwashed fabric.

I don't care about the trail of mud I leave from my sneakers as I run down the stairs as I yank open the door and step out into the barrage of rain. I begin to run full sprint down the drive and over the Green in the Victors Village. After all these years, they haven't changed the name.

Somethings never change, like the ground still being covered in a film of coal dust that soon spatters up the backs of my legs and decorates my white shirt with black smudges. I run for at least half an hour before I am actually chilled to the bone. I give up and trudge back home, not feeling like going all the way to the woods. The forrest has lost its safeness, its sanctary for me.

Now everyone goes there, hunting is out of the question unless I travel for days. People have even made their homes in the woods. I don't feel like I really have anywhere to go anymore, now that my old house isn't even there anymore, new builds are finished everyday and where my childhood home once stood now stands someone else's house, someone else's life, someone else's memories. As I reach my front door, I realise with a deep dread I am locked out.

_Shit._

Turning on my heel, I put my hand over my eyes and try to think clearly. Hazelle moved the other side of the District about a month ago, I haven't made the effort to go that way and see her, she wouldn't mind me going over there, she's been kind of lonley latley, since her children have been staying with their brother, Gale, just for a month or so. Gale... I feel the familiar pain in my stomach as I think of the boy I used to know. I don't even turn on the TV anymore for fear of seeing him, of realising my mistake. I set off again, picking up pace and making it to that side of town in under an hour. My nose is dripping and I am shaking uncontrollably, such a STUPID idea to come out in the rain in Winter. I batter the door, praying she's in, let alone awake. A bleary eyed Hazelle opens the door on the latch.

"Hey, s-s-s-sorry" I stammer, shivering on her doorstep.

"Oh my... Katniss? You shouldn't be out! What were you thinking!" She shuts the door in my face. I can't even hide my surprise, but then I hear the door click and it slowly opens, off the latch this time. She takes me over by the fire and puts something on to cook as she wraps a towel around me.

"Where's Peeta? She aks. I blink back tears, hoping she doesn't notice.

"Oh. Visiting friends," I lie, not even remotley aware of his whereabouts.

"Really? Without you?"Hazelle asks, crouching down to look me in the eye. I shift my gaze.

"Uh, yeah. I don't care for his friends." I pull the towel around me and undo my sneakers, leaving them to dry by the fire.

"I'd lend you some clothes but money's a bit tight and these are pretty much all I have at the moment" she says, gesturing to herself. "and Posy may be growing, but she's not that big just yet," Hazelle smiles weakly. She stands up and shuffles off into her room. It feels a long time, but it's only been about 5 minutes when she comes back with a neatly folded shirt.

"It's all I have at the moment," It strikes me how poor our District still is. Then I realise who this shirt belongs to.  
"I... I better get dried first..." I say weakly, swallowing the lump in my throat. Hazelle leaves me to it as I strip down completeley and lie infront of the fire. I don't want to put HIS shirt on.

Not now.

It's not long before I fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When I wake up, I'm shivering from the cold. The fire glows weakly in the hearth, and the clock reads ten past two in the morning. Without thinking, I pull the shirt- still left folded- over my naked body and stoke the fire a bit to try and coax it back to life to no avail. I hum softly, wriggling my toes to get my circulation going again. It's five minutes or so before I realise I am wearing HIS shirt.

Last night I'd realised before I put it on, but now as I sit here wearing his clothes, I can't help but breathe in his smell, soft washed fabric laced with pine and old smoke. I almost choke on the flood of memories that I'd spent three years blocking out. I don't realise I'm hyperventalating until Hazelle staggers in, bumping into the set of drawers.

"Katniss, what's wrong?!" God, I woke her up.

I shake my head, and rub my eyes, drawing my knees up to my chest. Hazelle slowly lowers herself to the ground and sits next to me. She pats my shoulder and runs the fabric there through her fingers.

"It's okay to cry. It's okay to miss people, and it's okay to make mistakes. What's not okay is doing nothing to make those mistakes right again, Katniss."

She says softly, before kissing me gently on my forhead and pattering back to bed. I haven't seen my mother since District 13, she doesn't ever call anymore.

I breathe in shakily, pulling the shirt over my knees.

My neighbours must have a spare key, I think, so I pull on my still-wet sneakers and clothes, leaving the shirt I borrowed on the couch. I leave as silently as I can.

I feel disjointed, cold and more alone than I have in a long time. I jog the way back, it's hardly raining now.

I reach my house just as the sky begins to brighten and notice a light on in the kitchen. I slowly stand up and try the door. It swings inwards without creaking.

"Hello?" I call. No reply. The kitchen is deserted, except for a letter on the table, it's from a neighbour, Hazelle called them to ask to unlock the door last night once I'd fallen asleep. My heart plummets, I thought Peeta was home.

* * *

Right, I think I should explain this a bit better, this is 3 years after the END (not the epilogue bit) of Mockingjay, and basically the epilogue NEVER HAPPENS hope that clears stuff up a little :)


End file.
